中国经济管理大学《商务沟通》教师手册Chapter 3: Construction of Clear Sentence...

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内容提要：中国经济管理大学
Chapter 3: Construction of Clear Sentences and Paragraphs
Teaching Suggestions
As with the previous chapter on word choice, the main principle to emphasize here is to write in such a way that one will both (1) achieve one’s organizational and/or personal goals and (2) evoke the desired response from the readers.  Anything that hinders these purposes—such as making readers struggle to follow one’s meaning, tiring the readers, emphasizing the wrong information, or using a misleading paragraph structure—should be avoided.  The specific guidelines in this chapter, while not appropriate in every case, should help.
Text Summary, Lecture Outline
Slide 3-1
As with choosing the best words, writing clear sentences and paragraphs requires adaptation—that is, visualizing the intended readers and writing in a style that will communicate to them.  Overall, business readers want writing that is both efficient and clear.
Construction of Clear Sentences
Slide 3-2
Use this overview slide to preview the guidelines that will help students write clear, easy-to-read sentences.
Slides 3-3, 3-4, 3-5, 3-6
Limiting sentence content means keeping sentences relatively short—not packing too much information into one sentence.  The examples on these slides illustrate.
Readability studies tell us that the more words and relationships there are in a sentence, the greater is the possibility of misunderstanding.
The optimum length depends on the reader and the nature of the contents. But the higher the level of the reader, the longer the sentences can be. Around 16 to 18 words per sentence is a good average for reaching the middle-level adult.
Keep in mind that we are talking about average length. A mixture can be effective—longer sentences for subordinating information and shorter ones for emphasizing points.  And too many short sentences can create a choppy, elementary-sounding effect.
Slides 3-7, 3-8, 3-9, 3-10, 3-11
Economizing on words also helps you manage your sentence length.
Anything you write can be expressed in many ways, some shorter than others.
The shorter ways usually are better—clearer and more interesting.
The following review of some of the causes of uneconomical expressions should be helpful.

Cluttering phrases. Phrases that can be replaced by shorter wordings can add unnecessarily to sentence length.
Examples:
“in the event that” vs. “if”
“in spite of the fact that” vs. “although”
Slides 3-7, 3-8, and 3-9 enable students to practice making such substitutions.
Surplus words. Words that add nothing to the intended meaning should be eliminated.
Examples:
“It will be noted that the records for the past years show a steady increase in special appropriations.”
“His performance was good enough to enable him to qualify for the promotion.”
Slide 3-10 enables students to practice trimming excess words from sentences.
Unnecessary repetition. Repeating words obviously adds to length.
But some repetition serves a purpose, as repeating for emphasis or for special effect.
Eliminate repetition that is without purpose.
Example:
“We have not received your payment covering invoices covering June and July
purchases.”
vs.
“We have not received your payment covering June and July purchases.”
Use slide 3-11 to challenge students to find and eliminate the repetition in sample sentences.
Slides 3-12, 3-13, 3-14, 3-15
Writing clearly also means managing the emphasis in your sentences.
Your sentences should give appropriate emphasis to each item presented.
Some items are more important than others—for example, conclusions in a report or the objective of a letter. Some are less important.You should make the important items stand out.
The longer sentences give less emphasis to their contents because the items combined share emphasis.
The shorter sentences tend to emphasize content because multple ideas aren’t competing for attention.
Consider the varying emphasis in these three versions:
“The company lost money last year. The loss occurred in spite of record sales.” (The two items receive equal emphasis.)
“Although the company enjoyed record sales last year, it lost money.” (One idea is subordinated; the other gets independent-clause emphasis.)
“The company enjoyed record sales last year, although it lost money.” (Emphasis of the two thoughts is reversed.)
Which is the best? The answer depends on what you want to communicate.
A warning: Subordinating some ideas helps reduce choppiness, but the subordinating needs to be logical, as the side examples show.  

Slides 3-16, 3-17, 3-18
Good sentences also have unity; their parts combine to form one clear thought.
Violations of sentence unity have two main causes:
Unrelated ideas.  Placing unrelated ideas in a sentence is illogical. The ideas in a sentence should have a reason for being together.
The reason for items being together in a sentence should be clear.
Sentences that appear to have unrelated ideas can be corrected by
making the ideas separate sentences,
subordinating one of the ideas, and
adding words that show a relationship.
Example:
“Mr. Jordan is our sales manager, and he has a degree in law.” (ideas not clearly related)
“Mr. Jordan is our sales manager. He has a degree in law.” (separate sentences)
“Mr. Jordan, our sales manager, has a degree in law.” (one idea subordinated)
See slide 3-16 for examples/practice.
Excessive detail.  Placing too much detail in a sentence tends to hide the central thought.
Breaking up long sentences helps to reduce this problem.
See slides 3-17 and 3-18 for examples/practice.
Slides 3-19, 3-20
Carefully avoiding illogical constructions also helps ensure that the reader will understand one’s meaning.
The examples on these two slides illustrate the following problems:
Mixed construction (switches from active to passive voice for no good reason)
Mixed construction (a “because” clause can’t be subject of a sentence)
Mixed construction (a “price” can’t be “expensive”)
Incomplete construction (the “as far as” phrase is incomplete)
Dangling modifier (the “Looking” phrase needs to be followed by who is doing the looking)
Faulty parallelism (items set up as equals, as in this series, need to be worded as equals)
Constuction of Clear Paragraphs
Slide 3-21
Paragraphing is important to clear communication.
Paragraphing shows where topics begin and end, which helps organize the information for the reader.

Designing paragraphs requires the ability to organize and group information. It is a mental process involving both logic and strategy.
These five suggestions can help.
Slide 3-22
Give paragraphs unity. The paragraph should build around a single topic or idea.
The subject matter included should have a reason for being together—it should be related.
Slide 3-23
Keep the paragraphs short. Short paragraphs produce more appealing text. They help the reader to see the organization of the material being presented.
Of course, length is determined by the information to be covered, but an average of 8 to 10 lines is a good goal for longer papers.
A good rule to follow is to question all long paragraphs—say those over 12 lines. But sometimes a long paragraph has unity and is logical.
Slide 3-24
Use topic sentences effectively. One good way of organizing paragraphs is to use topic sentences.
Topic sentences express the main idea of the paragraph.
Some paragraphs do not have them—for example, introductory paragraphs, transitional paragraphs, and concluding paragraphs.
Topic sentences can be in three places:
at the beginning,
at the end, and
within the paragraph.
Slides 3-25, 3-26
Leave out unnecessary detail.  Consider what your reader needs to know, and include only this information.
Slides 3-27, 3-28, 3-29, 3-30
Make paragraphs coherent.  Each sentence and each paragraph should move the reader smoothly toward the writer’s goal.  
Three good strategies for achieving coherence are the following:
Repeat key words that hark back to the preceding sentence.
Use pronouns that refer back to elements of the preceding sentence.
Use transitional expressions.

Answers for Critical Thinking Questions
1. How are sentence length and sentence design related to adaptation?
Shorter sentences and the simpler sentence designs are easier to understand than longer, more complex ones.  Thus, in adapting to lower or higher educational levels, you should use the appropriate sentence lengths and designs. What you want to emphasize to any given reader will also influence your sentence length and design.
2. Discuss this comment: “Long, involved sentences tend to be difficult to understand. Therefore, the shorter the sentence, the better.”
The statement is an extreme one. Shorter sentences do tend to communicate better than the longer ones. But writing made up entirely of very short sentences would be choppy, and they would be difficult to understand because the relationships between ideas would be unclear—every idea would get equal emphasis.
3. Discuss ways to give ideas more or less emphasis in your sentences.
The discussion should review the emphasis techniques presented in the chapter: (1) how short sentences add emphasis to their content, (2) how combining information in longer sentences deemphasizes content, and (3) how subordination can be used to give proper emphasis to content.
4. Explain how unity can apply equally well to a sentence, to a paragraph, and to longer units of writing.
Unity is a relative concept. An entire paper can be on one subject and therefore have unity. But it has subparts, and each of these parts is a unit. These parts in turn have subparts (probably paragraphs), and each should have unity. These parts also have subparts (probably sentences), and these should have unity.
5. What are the principal causes of lack of unity in sentences?
There are two: (1) placing unrelated ideas in one sentence and  (2) including too much detail.
6. This chapter discusses several kinds of illogical wording in sentences. Give an example, explain the problem, and correct it.
Using the discussion on pages 58-60, evaluate each student’s answer on its own merits.
7. Discuss this comment: “Words carry the message. They would carry the same meanings with or without paragraphing. Therefore, paragraphing has no effect on communication.”

Paragraphing assists communication. It shows the organizational plan to the reader. And it helps to emphasize the information carried in the paragraph. In general, paragraphing helps to communicate the structure of the message.
8. Defend the use of short paragraphs in business writing.
Most business readers are reading quickly to gather information. Short paragraphs help the different topics/types of information stand out, and the little breaks in reading that they provide help readers preserve their energy.
9. “Topic sentences merely repeat what the other sentences in the paragraph say. As they serve only to add length, they should be eliminated.” Discuss.
Well-constructed topic sentences do not repeat paragraph content. Rather, they draw a conclusion from it or express the main idea. They carry the most important message in the paragraph. Even though a reader may be able to infer this information from reading the remainder of the paragraph, the message is too important to leave to the reader’s reasoning.
10. Discuss and illustrate the three main transitional devices.
As each example given will be unique, you must judge each on its merits. The devices are (1) repetition of key words, (2) use of pronouns; and (3) use of transitional words.
Suggested Solutions to the Critical Thinking Exercises
Managing Sentence Content
Instructions: Sentences 77-83.  Make these sentences more readable by breaking them up or restructuring them.
1. Records were set by both the New York Stock Exchange Composite Index, which closed at 8,001.40, up 27.08 points, topping its previous high of 7,986.50, set Wednesday, and Standard & Poor’s 500 Index, which finished at 1,264.03, up 6.90, moving up significantly, also set a five-day high.
Today both the New York Stock Exchange Composite Index and Standard & Poor’s 500 Index set new records. The New York Stock Exchange Composite Index closed at a record high of 5,127.00, up 62.67 from its previous high of 4,975.30, set Wednesday. Standard & Poor’s 500 Index recorded a five-day high of 813.88 with its gain of 7.63.

2. Dealers attributed the rate decline to several factors, including expectations that the U.S. Treasury will choose to pay off rather than refinance some $4 billion of government obligations that fall due next month, an action that would absorb even further the available supplies of short-term government securities, leaving more funds chasing a skimpier number of these securities.
Dealers attribute the rate decline to several factors. One is that they expect the United States Treasury to pay off rather than refinance some $4 billion of government obligations next month. This action would absorb even further the available supplies of short-term government securities. The result would be to leave more funds chasing a skimpier number of these securities.
3. The Consumer Education Committee is assigned the duties of keeping informed of the qualities of all consumer goods and services, especially of their strengths and shortcomings, of gathering all pertinent information on dealers’ sales practices, with emphasis on practices involving honest and reasonable fairness, and of publicizing any of the information collected that may be helpful in educating the consumer.
The Consumer Education Committee has three primary duties. (1) It keeps informed of the qualities of all consumer goods and services (especially their strengths and shortcomings). (2) It gathers all pertinent information on dealers’ sales practices (with emphasis on dealers’ fairness and honesty). (3) It publicizes any of the information it collects that may educate the consumer.
4. The upswing in business activity that began in 2009 is expected to continue, and possibly accelerate in 2010, and gross domestic product should rise by $664 billion, representing an 8 percent increase over 2009, which is significantly higher than the modest 5 percent increase of 2008.
The upswing in business activity that began in 2009 is expected to continue, and possibly accelerate, in 2010. As a result, the gross domestic product should rise by $664 billion. This 8 percent increase over 2009 would be significantly higher than the modest 2 percent increase of 2008.
5. As you will not get this part of Medicare automatically, even if you are covered by Social Security, you must sign up for it and pay $88.50 per month, which the government will match, if you want your physician’s bills to be covered.
You will not get Part B of Medicare automatically, even if you are covered by Social Security. You must sign up for it and pay $96.40 per month if you want your physician’s bills covered. The government will match this monthly fee.

6. Students with approved excused absences from any of the hour examinations have the option of taking a special makeup examination to be given during dead week or of using their average grade on their examinations in the course as their grade for the work missed.
Students with approved absences from any examinations have two options: (1) They may take a special makeup examination to be given during dead week, or (2) they may use their average grade on their other examinations in the course as their grade for the work missed.
7. Although we have not definitely determined the causes for the decline in sales volume for the month, we know that during this period construction on the street adjacent to the store severely limited traffic flow and that because of resignations in the advertising department promotion efforts dropped well below normal.
We have not definitely determined the causes for the decline in sales for the month. We know, however, that during this period, construction on the street adjacent to the store severely limited flow. We know also that promotion efforts dropped as a result of resignations in the advertising department.
8. Assume that you are the assistant manager of a hotel and are describing your hotel’s meeting room to a prospective customer who is thinking of holding a seminar there.  Turn the following pieces of information into coherent writing, making paragraph breaks where you think appropriate.  Be ready to explain why your grouped information and managed the emphasis the way you did.  You may need to add some words or information to make the facts flow smoothly.
We have a meeting room.
It will be available on the date you request.
It can seat 100 people.
The seating can be arranged to your specifications.
It is quiet.
It is on the ground floor.
It is not near the guest rooms.
The lounge has live music on occasion.
The lounge is at the opposite end of the hotel from the meeting room.
The meeting room has a lectern.
It has a projector.
It has a screen.
It has a laptop hookup.
We can rent additional equipment.
We can rent it at no charge to you.
The charge for the room is $300.
This is the charge for one day.

Each student’s work should be evaluated on its merits.  The writing tips presented in the chapter should be emphasized.
Making Sentences Economical
Instructions: Sentences 9-36. Revise the following sentences for more economical wording.
In view of the fact that we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some profit.
Because we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some profit.
We should see the prime lending rate drop in the near future.
We should see the prime lending rate drop soon (or give approximate date).
I will talk to him with regard to the new policy.
I will talk to him about the new policy.
The candidates who had the most money won.
The richest candidates won.
There are many obligations that we must meet.
We must meet many obligations.
We purchased gloves that are lined with wool.
We purchased gloves lined with wool.
Mary is of the conviction that service has improved.
Mary believes that service has improved.
Sales can be detected to have improved over last year.
Sales have improved over last year.
It is essential that we take the actions that are necessary to correct the problem.
We must act to correct the problem.
The chairperson is engaged in the activities of preparing the program.
The chairperson is preparing the program.
Martin is engaged in the process of revising the application.
Martin is revising the application.
You should study all new innovations in your field.
You should study all innovations in your field.
In all probability, we are likely to suffer a loss this quarter.
We will probably lose money this quarter.
The requirements for the job require a minimum of three years of experience.
The job requires a minimum of three years of experience.
In spite of the fact that the bill remains unpaid, they placed another order.
Even though they had not paid their earlier bill, they ordered again.

We expect to deliver the goods in the event that we receive the money.
We expect to deliver the goods if we receive the money.
In accordance with their plans, company officials sold the machinery.
As planned, company officials sold the machinery.
This policy exists for the purpose of preventing dishonesty.
This policy exists to prevent dishonesty.
The salespeople who were the most successful received the best rewards.
The most successful salespeople received the best rewards.
The reader will note that this area ranks in the top five percent in per capita income.
This area ranks in the top five percent in per capita income.
Our new coats are made of a fabric that is of the wrinkle-resistant variety.
Our new coats are made of a wrinkle-resistant fabric.
Our office is charged with the task of counting supplies not used in production.
Our office is charged with counting supplies not used in production.
Losses caused by the strike exceeded the amount of $640,000.
Losses caused by the strike exceeded $640,000.
This condition can be assumed to be critical.
This condition is critical.
Our goal is to effect a change concerning the overtime pay rate.
Our goal is to change the overtime pay rate.
Mr. Wilson replaced the old antiquated machinery with new machinery.
Mr. Wilson replaced the old machinery with new machinery.
We must keep this confidential information from being shared with others.
We must keep this information confidential.
The consensus of opinion of this group is that Wellington was wrong.
The group believes that Wellington was wrong.
Wording Sentence Logically
Instructions, Sentences 37-51:  Revise the following to eliminate illogical and awkward wording.
37. Because the Swift Company has a service-oriented culture is the reason it supports all forms of volunteerism.
With its service-oriented culture, the Swift Company supports all forms of volunteerism.
(Or, The Swift Company supports all forms of volunteerism because it has a service-oriented culture.)
38. On the night of your party, we experienced a rare occurrence with our seafood supplier canceling at the last minute.
On the night of your party, our seafood supplier canceled at the last minute.  While such occurrences are rare . . . . (Or, On the night of your party, we experienced a rare delivery cancelation by our seafood supplier.)

39. Our staff is among the best as we strive for the highest level of customer service.
Because we strive for the highest level of customer service, our staff is among the best in the city. (Or, Our staff is among the best, and we strive . . . .)
40. Thank you for your feedback that will help us continue to improve.
Thank you for your feedback. It will help us maintain our high standard of . . . .
41. The meeting room you have reserved has a projector, Internet access, and will enable your attendees to hear the trainer easily.
The meeting room you have reserved has a projector, Internet access, and excellent acoustics.
42. As a five-star hotel, our guests’ satisfaction is our top priority.
As a five-star hotel, we make our guests’ satisfaction our top priority.
43. Upon review of the facts, the problem was a short in the wiring.
Upon review of the facts, we found that . . . .
(Or, A review of the facts revealed that . . . .)
44. This streamlined process will save us so much money.
This streamlined process will save us nearly ten percent.
(Or, This streamlined process will save us so much money that we’ll be able to purchase upgraded equipment.)

45. In order to accommodate your request, please make your reservation by the end of October.
In order to accommodate your request, we will need your reservation by . . . .
(Or, To ensure your first choice, please make . . . .)
46. On behalf of the management team, I appreciate your extra work on the project.
On behalf of the management team, I would like to thank you for . . . .
(Or, The whole management team appreciates . . . .)
47. As a member of the marketing staff, the best person to consult on this project is Allal.
As a member of the marketing staff, Allal would be the best person . . . .
48. During tomorrow’s staff meeting we will discuss our progress on the new ad campaign and how well the installation of the new software is going.
. . . progress on the new ad campaign and on the installation of the new software.
49. As far as phone call monitoring, I believe we should try other methods first.
As far as email monitoring goes . . . .
(Or, As for email monitoring, . . . .)
50. Through our research of three local charities we feel that each one would make a good sponsor.
Our research indicates that any of the three charities would make . . . .
(Or, Through our research of three local charities, we found that . . . .)
51. Each department will now have access to update its section of the website.
Each department will now be able to update . . . .
(Or, Each department will be give access to its portion of the website in order to make updates and announcements.)

Managing Paragraph Focus
Instructions: Paragraphs 52-56. Rewrite the following paragraphs in two ways to show different placement of the topic sentence and variations in emphasis of contents. Point out the differences in meaning in each of your paragraphs.  (Of course, a number of possible arrangements exist for each problem. Thus, the following solutions are only suggestions.)
52. Jennifer has a good knowledge of office procedures. She works hard. She has performed her job well. She is pleasant most of the time, but she has a bad temper, which has led to many personal problems with the work group. Although I cannot recommend her for promotion, I approve a 5 percent raise for her.
a. I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. Even though she is pleasant most of the time, she has a bad temper that has led to many personal problems within the work group. Even so, I can approve a 10 percent raise for her. She works hard, has a good knowledge of office procedure, and has performed her job well.
(The beginning topic sentence emphasizes the negative qualities. The following positive information receives secondary emphasis.)
b. I recommend Jennifer for a 10 percent raise. She works hard, has a good knowledge of office procedure, and has performed her job well. I am not recommending her for promotion because of her temper, but she is pleasant most of the time. She deserves a raise.
(Here the positive news gets the emphasis of the beginning topic sentence. The negative information is buried in the middle.)
53. Last year our sales increased 7 percent in California and 9 percent in Arizona. Nevada had the highest increase with 14 percent. Although all states in the western region enjoyed increases, Oregon recorded only a 2 percent gain. Sales in Washington increased 3 percent.
a. All states in the western region enjoyed sales increases. Nevada had the highest increase, with 14 percent. Arizona and California were next, with 9 percent and 7 percent, respectively. The increase in Washington was 3 percent; and in Oregon it was 2 percent.
(The topic sentence stresses the general conclusion that all states experience gains. The following sentences present supporting evidence.)

b. Sales increases in Oregon and Washington were low last year. Oregon sales were up only 2 percent, and Washington’s sales increased only 3 percent. These gains were small compared with the 14 percent recorded for Nevada, 9  percent for Arizona, and 7 percent for California.
(Here the topic sentence emphasizes low increases in two states. The higher increases are then presented subordinately as contrasting information.)
54. I majored in marketing at Darden University and received a B.S. degree in 2009. Among the marketing courses I took were marketing strategy, promotion, marketing research, marketing management, and consumer behavior. These and other courses prepared me specifically for a career in retailing. Included, also, was a one-semester internship in retailing with Macy’s Department Stores.
a. My B.S. degree in marketing awarded in 2009 by Darden University prepared me specifically for a career in retailing. Among the courses I studied were marketing strategy, promotion, marketing research, marketing management, and consumer behavior. In addition, I had a one-semester internship in retailing with Macy’s Department Stores.
(The beginning topic sentence stresses general preparation in retailing. The following sentences bring in supporting information.)
b. A one-semester internship in retailing with Macy’s Department Stores prepared me specifically for a career in retailing. Supporting this preparation were my studies in marketing at Darden University, from which I earned the B.S. degree in 2009. These courses included marketing strategy, promotion, marketing research, marketing management, and consumer behavior.
(The emphasis here is on special preparation in retailing. The marketing preparation comes in as general supporting information.)
55. Our records show that Penn motors cost more than Oslo motors. The Penns have less breakdown time. They cost more to repair. I recommend that we buy Penn motors the next time we replace worn-out motors. The longer working life offsets Penn’s cost disadvantage. So does its better record for breakdown.
a. I recommend that we buy Penn motors rather than Oslo motors the next time we replace motors. Penn motors have less breakdown time and a longer working life. These advantages more than offset Penn’s higher initial cost and repair costs.
(This organization plan begins with the recommendation [topic sentence] and follows it with pro and con reasoning.)
b. Penn motors cost more than Oslo motors. They also have higher repair costs. Even so, their longer working life and shorter breakdown periods more than offset these disadvantages. I recommend that we buy Penn motors the next time we replace motors.

(This plan gives the reasoning and leads to the conclusion, which is the topic sentence.)
56. Recently China ordered a large quantity of wheat from the United States. Likewise, Germany ordered a large quantity. Other countries continued to order heavily, resulting in a dramatic improvement in the outlook for wheat farming. Increased demand by Eastern European countries also contributed to the improved outlook.
a. The outlook for wheat farming has improved dramatically. Both China and Germany have recently ordered large quantities from the United States. Demands of Eastern European countries have increased. And other countries continue to order heavily.
(The topic sentence at the beginning establishes the conclusion. The supporting facts follow.)
b. Recently China and Germany ordered a large quantity of wheat from the United States. Other countries have continued to order heavily. And wheat demands in Eastern Europe have continued to be strong. The result has been a dramatic improvement in the outlook for wheat farming.
(The topic sentence at the end arrives as a logical conclusion from the preceding facts.)


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